On this day 3years ago I had the most excruciating labour ward experience compared to all the times I’ve gone to deliver I was in so much pain I did not know what to do🤥.

I had only known I was carrying him 1 and a half months prior I was in a state of confusion everyday was a random emotion. All my pregnancies were not planned and the economic situation paired with my lack of employment or even a side hustle made this pregnancy so hard to bear. Besides going through so much already I had been going on my period on a regular and I had not stopped taking my birth 😥 it was by chance I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd born.

It’s my first time putting my feelings down and the first time opening up about this experience. So I hope you will understand if I make mistakes it has taken me so much time to write a paragraph without starting over again.

On the fateful day I was in the kitchen helping out with the dishes when I felt blood flow down my leg I immediately went to get a pad and dialed for an ambulance to come take me to the nearest hospital. The ambulance arrived and I logged myself in, my aunt whom I was staying with at that time had to stay behind with the older two so I practically took this journey all by myself…

I booked myself in to the first choice I had so that if anything went wrong I would be in good hands but the hospital required I pay full amount before admission and it was a lot so I settled for the government hospital that was near where I stayed,by this time contractions had started but they were minor. And I had to be transferred to the hospital by ambulance again… It was a long night

I booked myself in at the government hospital and it was around midnight so it was not as busy or hectic because that would have made my night even more unbearable. I was in a room with 9 to 10 other women but I didn’t care because I was in pain I asked them to get me a gynaecologist who came just after I was fully dilated because I was just 27weeks along he had to turn the baby. I had no anaesthetic or any pain meds I went through the whole experience fully aware of every crook or nook he performed I remember the baby flying out and falling to the floor and lying there for a good minute before the nurses came to pick him up I had to beg them to give him a chance to live they had ruled out the possibility of him living even before i gave birth.

The pediatrician who came stressed about the possibilities he had but I was hopeful I mean I carried the baby I gave birth to him the hardest thing I had ever done and to just give up would have been very stupid of me. So I held on I visited him I talked to my baby boy I prayed to God I hoped I did that for 12hours and when they told me he didn’t make it I accepted it because I didn’t have any choice.

M. came to me and left me holding on to the memories only the two of us shared how I had bonded with him because I had hope and how he meant so much to me because he was mine…but fate had other plans

I am only able to share just a bit because of my emotional state I hope one day I can pen down a letter to my boy in heaven because I have so much to tell him but for today I say happy 3rd birthday my boy mommy loves you and I cherish you

To all mothers who have miscarried or have lost a baby or even your child my heart pours out to you…stay strong and carry the memory of that baby…its only you who can celebrate your baby with love 🖤🖤🖤

Mornings are very hectic in my house the boys are a tag team and they work together so well you would think it’s a well oiled machine,a highly sophisticated scam😂!! One will be telling you the water is too cold the other will be screaming it’s too hot this is before you even start washing them .

As they are washing one doesn’t like soap anywhere near his face Maruva always screams if you put foam on his chin as this will affect his eyes😕 the other will be begging to go poop😒 for the fourth time in less than 5minutes😥. If I could get to watch the whole thing from another room I tell you it would be down right hilarious

Mufaro (Mumu) decides to throw in a bargain so he doesn’t go to school He slid into the conversation with a slick ‘it’s beautiful today’ and I was like ‘awwwww cute look at that you using big words’  then he quickly shot me back to reality he softly says ‘mama it’s beautiful to not go to school’ 😁😂😂😂 he had the trophy!!! message was clear and not hidden anymore 😂😂 These are the moments I love,the breeze after a long hot 30minutes trying to get people ready for school💓

I tell you having children is a whole new vibe it can throw you from upset to exhilarated in 5milliseconds flat… Maru sensed I was having an off moment and he came through as he always does in a mature and very Maruva way to uplift me

He is an inquisitive human by nature he questions EVERY THING and there are moments it is cute😊 and moments it can be taxing 😒

Today was bittersweet to me he always senses when I’m not in a good space he has done that since he was 2 and he would come in for a hug or a snuggle

It was no different today 😂 he came allong with a dozen of questions which I had to answer and the second one got me rolling on the floor…..

He asked if we celebrate Halloween in Zimbabwe and I told him, no we don’t 😂 He immediately pulled a sad face and said he is sad because he likes to collect sweets wearing a costume for free 😂😂😂

I guess we celebrating Halloween this year at my house costumes and sweets it is 💓

Amazing munhu #myMaru😘😘

During the first months with my first born Maruva Meekaaeel I was inspired to share how he is special and amazing on my whatsapp statuses and I used to update on a regular basis. It was fun to share the milestones with family and friends and then less than 9months into parenthood I found out I was expecting my second Mufaro Daniel Malik and didn’t know if it was going to be the same to share the same milestones with a difference despite the mixed emotions of a growing family within a short space of time you wouldn’t believe it, it hasn’t been that difficult because their personalities are totally different and it has inspired me the more to save our memories while sharing them with the world

This blog will be more about being their mum and being a mum in general. The stories I hope to share will be innovative, inspirational and mostly entertaining. The bonus is the knowledge that their memories are in a safe place where they can come to later on when they are older to read and tap into their past from my point of view